Making Advice Easier to Accept

péngyou朋友qǐng请wǒ我kàn看kàn看tā他de的jiǎnlì简历，wǒ我yīkǒuqì一口气tíchū提出le了shí十jǐ几tiáo条xiūgǎi修改jiànyì建议。

A friend asked me to look at his CV, and I offered more than a dozen suggestions at once.

wǒ我yǐwéi以为zìjǐ自己bāng帮le了dà大máng忙，tā他què却biàn变de得bùtài不太yuànyi愿意shuōhuà说话。

I thought I had been very helpful, but he became less willing to talk.

hòulái后来tā他gàosu告诉wǒ我，tā他nà那tiān天zhǐ只xiǎng想quèrèn确认gōngzuò工作jīnglì经历shìfǒu是否xiě写de得qīngchu清楚。

Later, he told me that he had only wanted to check whether his work experience was described clearly.

wǒ我méiyou没有xiān先liǎojiě了解tā他de的xūyào需要，jiù就bǎ把suǒyǒu所有wèntí问题dōu都bǎi摆zài在le了tā他miànqián面前。

Without first understanding what he needed, I had placed every problem in front of him.

zhè这jiàn件shì事ràng让wǒ我chóngxīn重新kǎolǜ考虑，jiànyì建议wèishénme为什么yǒu有shí时huì会ràng让rén人gǎndào感到yālì压力。

This made me reconsider why advice can sometimes feel stressful.

tíchū提出jiànyì建议de的rén人kànjian看见de的shì是kěyǐ可以gǎishàn改善de的dìfang地方，jiēshōu接收jiànyì建议de的rén人què却kěnéng可能tīngjian听见duì对zìjǐ自己de的fǒudìng否定。

The person offering advice sees opportunities for improvement, while the person receiving it may hear criticism of themselves.

rúguǒ如果shuāngfāng双方méiyou没有shuō说qīngchu清楚mùdì目的，jíshǐ即使nèiróng内容hélǐ合理，yě也kěnéng可能nányǐ难以jiēshòu接受。

If the purpose is unclear, even reasonable advice may be hard to accept.

xiànzài现在，biéren别人qǐng请wǒ我bāngmáng帮忙shí时，wǒ我huì会xiān先wèn问tā他zuì最xiǎng想jiějué解决nǎ哪gè个wèntí问题。

Now, when someone asks for help, I first ask which problem they most want to solve.

tíchū提出yìjian意见shí时，wǒ我jǐnliàng尽量gěi给chūjù出具tǐ体lìzi例子，ér而bù不shì是jiǎndān简单de地shuō说xiě写de得bù不hǎo好。

When offering feedback, I try to give specific examples instead of merely saying the writing is poor.

wǒ我yě也huì会bǎ把bìxū必须xiūgǎi修改de的bùfen部分hé和kěyǐ可以xuǎnzé选择de的bùfen部分fēnkāi分开。

I also distinguish necessary changes from optional ones.

zhìyú至于zuìhòu最后cǎiyòng采用nǎ哪zhǒng种fāngshì方式，réngrán仍然yóu由duìfāng对方juédìng决定。

The final choice remains theirs.

hǎo好de的jiànyì建议bùjǐn不仅xūyào需要zhèngquè正确，hái还xūyào需要ràng让duìfāng对方zhīdao知道xià下yī一bù步kěyǐ可以zěnyàng怎样xíngdòng行动。

Good advice needs to be more than accurate; it should help the other person understand what they can do next.